As much as I try to avoid the topic for fear of looking crazy, I haven’t been able to get wanting to share my thoughts on why I’ve chosen not to have premarital sex off my brain for weeks.
From the moment I had a procedure done last year, where I had to ingest radio active eggs to test the rate of digestion of my stomach (yeah another topic for another day lol), I’ve wanted to write this blog post.
Why did a procedure make you want to write a blog post about premarital sex? I’m glad you asked!
As with any test where radioactive waves or x-rays are involved there are a series of questions you must answer right to have the procedure done… There are a whole set of them where you have to verify you don’t have any medical conditions that would interfere with the testing AND (for the ladies) you MUST verify that you aren’t pregnant. Before my gastric emptying study I had to go through those two sets of questions. After the first set all was well…. I passed! THHHennnn we got the the pregnancy ones.
Now, I’m use to going to the “lady doctor” (and other doctors) and having to answer the “Are you pregnant or is there any chance you can be pregnant?” questions. I’m use to getting the crazy looks when I say”No I’m not pregnant and I’m 100% sure I’m not “. I’m use to the side eye “Why?”…THEN having to have a 10 minute conversation about the reasons behind me choosing not to have sex before marriage. So after the converstation about “why the choice”, this time around, the tech looked at me, looked at the form, and looked back at me in shock. She said “Oh wow. Well there’s no spot on the form for not being sexually active being a reason you’re sure you are not pregnant!”.
You read that right. There was NO spot on the form where you could check “I know I’m not pregnant because, I’m not sexually active”. I had to write it in. By hand. I thought “WHAT?! Am I a unicorn?! Is it this rare to not be giving up the cookie?! (Steve Harvey reference lol). *Side Eye* Must be. BUT NEVER have I not seen an “I’m not sexually active” box on a medical form. Maybe I AM a unicorn. I’m ok with it. Unicorns are fabulous and so am I lol
So in light of the situation I thought I’d share my reasons for choosing to wait until marriage to have sex. I would love to tell you that my reasons for waiting to have sex until marriage are solely biblical, and although heavily influenced by biblical principles, they are not. Majority of them are really…. very practical.
So why have I decided to wait?
1. My Mom….
She kinda put the fear of her in me. Yeah I’m kinda scared of my Mom. She was one hundred percent honest with us growing up. I distinctly remember her telling my sister and I “If you have a baby I am not raising it. I will love you. I will love your baby but I am not raising it. You will raise it.” <- That was all the warning I needed.
My Mom had my sister and I at a young age and never really got to do what she wanted to do with her life. My Mom is all about giving whatever you are 100% of you. So she’s spent most of her life fully dedicated to raising responsible, independent, fearless, accomplished black women.Both of my sister and I have Masters degrees and great jobs. I credit my mom for that. No, my Mom doesn’t regret having us nor did she tell us children end your life lol She was real with us and pushed us to accomplish our goals and dreams before having unprotected sex (or sex period) which couuulllddd lead to having children.
OHHHHHHH and the physical/biological 411 of what really happens when people “get busy”. YEP she gave us that. What comes out of where? And he wants to put it where? Naahhh son. For a preteen hearing that was ummm gross. So I decided then and there…I’ll wait…
2. I’m selfish….
Yep I’m selfish and I’m not willing share my body with anyone at this point. (I also have nakie-phobia which I’ll discuss at another time lol) I’m not ready to be fully vulnerable with someone at this moment in time. Yah know naked and unashamed? I’m noottt quiitee there yet. lol
Which leads me to my next points
3. I seriously haven’t met anyone worth ending the wait for…
No one worth being naked and unashamed with. Not one worth, as my favorite Christian comedian KevOnStage says”givin up the drawls” for. There have been opportunities but, none worth the trade off.
4. I fully understand that my worth is not defined by men, sex, and children…
I’m sure sex is a lot of fun, marriage is great (and will happen for me..I’m not a shewoman man hater), AND babies SOOOO are adorable. However none of these are what defines me as a woman. It’s not about how many men I can have chasing me, or how many I’ve slept, who my husband is, or how many kids call me Mommy. Nope. My worth is found in HIM and in doing what He’s purposed for me in the season He’s purposed it. My life is all about who God says I am and THAT is not predicated on how many times I give it up. I don’t need to give it up to feel like I’m enough. Shoot I’m phenomenal WITHOUT giving up the goodies! Just imagine how blessed my future husband will be to have the WHOLE package. Dude better be praising God in advance for the blessing of me #word
5. From what I hear from my hilarious friends sex, for the first time, is not as glamorous OR COMFORTABLE as the movies depict.
Fun and pleasurable?…Eventually… lol I’m 100% sure of it. Glamorous? Eghh I’m not sure about that one at this point in life. I’ll tell ya when I get there.
Now for this next set of reasons please don’t get me wrong I know that not all sexual encounters end with pregnancy. However I understand that birth control (and other random methods) are not 100% fool proof. I also know my track record: If people say it only happens to one out of a bazillion people it will happen to me. For example this slow digestion thing referenced above…. typically happens in seniors…like senior citizens. I’m not even 30 yet!
I know I will be the one on three birth controls (exaggerating) using condoms, having sex when I’m not ovulating, I would still happen to get pregnant. Yeah, it would happen cause I’m me. Then I’d be prego with quads or something!
So here’s my next set of reason:
6. I’m selfish…
Oh yeah I said that already BUT this time it’s different. I am realllyyyy selfish and I’m not ready for children. Oh I loveeee babies! I have spent most of my life heavily involved in raising my family’s and friend’s little ones. IT IS A JOYFUL process to have a little baby’s unending love… BUT maaannn it’s HARD WORK! There’s something extremely joyful in babysitting, giving the kid chocolate (or tea in my nephew’s case lol), and sending them home to their Mom!!
At this moment, as a young UNMARRIED professional, I am not ready to be a Mom. Especially a single parent Mom…Let’s be real babies don’t make dudes stay.
For me, right now, developing into the woman I want to be and being a “dog Mom” is hard enough work lol. I love to travel (yes you can travel with kids but you can’t always pick up and go).
I want to eventually work a job that involves traveling, meeting new people, and exploring the world. I dream of one day meeting my husband in an airport LOL
I want to get my PhD one day.
I love to shop and I understand I don’t make enough money to pay bills, support my shopping habits, and care for a baby. Not at this moment.
Now for the more biblical reasons
7. I believe that abstaining from fornication is pleasing to Jesus…To me it’s that simple.
For scripture reference use 1 Corinthians 6: 9-11 18-20:, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Peter 1:6, & Mark 7:20-23
He’s said it may times in His word that the covenant of marriage is the only place where sex is honorable.
Jesus also admonishes us that our bodies are His temple and they are to be kept pure and holy. I want to be holy.
The bible also tells us to flee fornication and sexual immorality…I’m not sure about you but ummmm there’s probably trouble in something Jesus tells you to FLEE from.
Not one with unrepentant sin(s) will make it in to heaven… Adding fornication to the list of sins I already have to deal with overcoming???! It’s not worth the risk for me.
8. I want to honor my future husband by keeping my view unclouded…
It’s as simple as that. I don’t want to have to force my future husband to have to live up to the expectation of another man’s sexual performance. At this point I have NO one to compare him to. I want to keep it that way.
Additionally, I don’t want him to have to sift through years of meaningless sexual relationships to earn my love and trust.
Relationships are already hard.
Sex is complicated and right now at this moment; January 29th, 2014 9:28am. I’m not ready.
There you have it my 8, very personal reasons.
Until next time & xoxo,
Sass with Sensibility